It's November and as most of you have probably noticed that on Facebook there's the "30 days of thankfulness" thing going on. I find that the majority of the people are still complaining about their children having the stomach virus, or their husband's being gone on business, or having to clean the house because the children have made a huge mess. I know that some people don't think before they put stuff on facebook but I just want to share what I'm thankful for and maybe it will help other's think before they "post."
It's been just Mom and I as long as I can remember. Even when she was dating someone or when she was married to my (ex) step-dad... it always felt like it was her and I against the world. I particularly think it's because she's my soulmate, and even though I've always been her little girl to protect... I always felt like I had to shield her against the bad guys, the evil of the world, and be her rock. When I became sick with CNSV, she had to stand up for me more than she would if I were healthy. In her late 20's, she had to not only be a single mother with several jobs, but she also had to take me to get chemo therapy once a month, take care of me after the the treatments and take me see doctors several times a year. I don't remember much about those days; however, I remember going to Country Mart and renting Mary-Kate and Ashley, Winnie the Pooh, Matilda, The Parent Trap, and Peppy Long Stockings videos for our 4 hour trip to St. Louis. My nanny and mom were always going to Walmart and finding me $5 videos to watch. I knew exactly how many videos to pack away for our trip. 5. At seven years old, I didn't use time. I used things that I could measure time by and I had this down to an art. Even though I spent five years doing chemotherapy, all I remember is what I see in pictures and the movies I watched in the backseat of the suburban on our way to and from St. Louis. Maybe I don't remember on purpose. Maybe that's a good thing.
My mom has always been constant. She has always been there. I asked her recently how she knew what she was doing. She said "I called nanny a lot. I asked her for advice and when she told me that she didn't know the answers because she never had to take care of a sick child... well, then I would cry and pray and do whatever I had to do to have you another day."
I really cannot imagine being a single parent in my 20's, let alone being a single parent with a child who has a terminal illness. In ways, my disease has been a blessing. It makes the small acheivements (for most people) seem so much bigger because well... it really is. It makes each day something to remember. It makes my relationships stronger. But most of all, it makes me appreciate my momma more. It allowed me to see a side of my mom that I wouldn't have seen otherwise. My mother has been the greatest gift God has ever given me. I've never been good at protecting my mom, but she has always given everything to make sure that I was going to be okay.
One of the things that my mom always reminds me of is there's always someone who has it worse than I do. She always reminds me to be thankful for my problems and to be thankful for the health that I do have. So here's what I have to say to the Facebook world, be thankful for your child's stomach bug because it'll run it's course and leave. To the lady who has a husband who is gone on business, be thankful because your husband has a job and is willing to go the distance to make sure that he can help provide for you. To the parents who complain about their child who has toys all over the floor, be thankful because your child is physically able to make decisions, play, and live the life of a child. I'm not saying this because I have all the answers, want pity or any of the sorts; however, there are families who will be spending the holidays in the hospital with children, with their parents, with people they love. Been there, done that. Be thankful for your problems. Be thankful for the smiles, the laughs, for the time you have with loved ones because you never know when they'll be called "home."
Thank you Momma for making time for me, for being my bull dog, for celebrating the otherwise simple accomplishments with me, and for the countless videos you provided me with over those 5 years. :) I love you, Momma! I'm glad that God gave me you to call "Mom." Nobody else could have done the job better.
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